Duct-Taping the Problem

Hello People!! I'm still alive. I know. It's been quite a long time, but I'm here now! So just a quick update on my life; I started my very first job back in October. It's been a great experience and I've met some pretty cool people! I also bought my first car, the same day I started my job. Crazy right? :) I'm 15, already have a job, my very own car, and an awesome family that supports me. Sounds like everything in my life is totally on track right?

Wrong.

 I just got back from leading worship at a youth retreat. Well before I left to go to the retreat, I knew I had to put my heart in the right place. So I just grabbed my guitar and started writing a song about how awesome God is. And not to say that I didn't mean it, but it didn't fix or change the fact that I'd pretty much been ignoring God for about 2 months.

Basically, it'd be like if you and your best friend had a fight, and just didn't talk for like 2 months. Then all of the sudden they show up at your house with a song about how awesome you are, but they never actually apologize... Nothing actually gets fixed. Just covered over.

Honestly it's the same with Duct Tape. People claim that "Duct tape fixes everything". I used to totally be on board with this, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that while duct tape does hold things together, does it really fix anything? If you remove the tape, the problem is still there. It's just been covered over by something that may hold it together a little bit longer.

God's forgiveness is not this way though. Hebrews 8:12 says, "And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins." When we are forgiven the slate is wiped clean and there's no residue of our sin left behind. It's not like a chalk or a white erase board, where when you wipe away the word, you can still see the remains of what used to be there. Our sins are completely forgotten, as if they never happened. But we can't expect that to happen without repentance.

So I get to the camp on Friday night, rock out our first set with the band, hear a fantastic message from the speaker and then I went home. I came back the next morning practiced our set, played our set, and listened to another great message from the speaker. I spent the rest of the day shopping with my mom, until I came back that night to practice for our next set. I'm slightly frustrated at this point, with multiple things. We get ready to lead worship, and I just kinda let it all go, trying to remind myself that I'm here for God and nothing else. And that's hard to do, since I haven't really fixed anything with God, I've just duct taped it. We play the first few songs, and then we sit down for the message. It was a really convicting message, that as I stood up to play, I just tried to shake off. Pastor Dave told us that, if we had something that was holding us back, or keeping us distant from God, we needed to confess that and give it to Him. I knew that I was holding a lot back, but I couldn't just let it go.

As I stood at my keyboard, and I don't know if it was the fact that it was freezing in the room, or if it was the Holy Spirit tugging on my heart, but I could not stop shaking. I have never in my life experienced the weight that was on my heart. I tried to sing the first song, and all that came out were tears. Somehow I got through the set, telling myself that I'd talk to God when I got back to my grandparents. As we finished the last song, Jed (the youth pastor in charge of the whole retreat) came up and asked the band to play another song. He said God was telling him that there was someone there who still needed to repent. So as we prayed one more time, I couldn't hold that in anymore. Because I knew that it was me. As the next song started, I walked over to front row of chairs, got on my knees and began crying. I prayed in my heart and individually confessed the sins that had been bubbling up inside of me for so long. And the second that I asked God to help me deal with my bitterness and my hurts, I felt this weight lift off of me. That was something that I have never before experienced in my life.

I recommitted my life to Christ that night. And although I still struggle with bitterness and anger, I know now that I'm not alone, and I don't ever have to be alone again.


-MJR

1 Corinthians: Hidden Objects

Hey everyone! So I'm going to start using my blog as my new note pad as I go through my bible study. I decided to start out in 1 Corinthians. So I'm going to take it pretty slow here... Like a few verses at a time. Let us begin...

"This letter is from Paul, chosen by the will of God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus, and from our brother Sosthenes. 2. I am writing to God's church in Corinth, to you who have been called by God to be his own holy people. He made you holy by means of Christ Jesus,just as he did for all people everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours. 3. May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace." -NLT

So. This is an introduction. Most people skip introduction or become too familiar with the term "skimming" when reading one. I'm slightly ashamed to say I am one of those people. But there's things you miss when you skim. In the passages above, a couple things I picked up are sort of hidden. It's like playing find the hidden object, without necessarily having a key.

In verse two something that stuck out to me, is where it says "chosen by the will of God". Other versions say "Called by God's will". Please, allow me to chase a pair of rabbits here. Paul, previously known as Saul, had a complete 180. He went from cursing God, and killing Christians ruthlessly, to praising God with every fiber of his being. That's freaking awesome. God specifically CHOSE Paul, for His plan. I think it's really amazing that God picks the people we least expect to be used in the craziest ways.

Another cool thing in verse two is when Paul says "to be his own holy people." God not only chooses us to be apart of His plan but also be apart of His family and His kingdom. And also, note that it says "holy". That's really awesome.

My favorite thing about this passage, is verse 3, Paul's closing statement (to the introduction anyway). He says, "May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace." He uses the illustration of God being our Father again. I still love that. And then he says "give you grace and peace". That's really cool. So many words he could've chosen. But he picked grace and peace. These words are the same words I try to put into action everyday. No, I don't often succeed. But think about it. If we should the people around us a quarter of the grace God showed us? Exactly. BOOM. Mind. Blown. And peace. This is a bit of a struggle for me. Peace and trust are quite similar. More than you might realize. You have to trust God to give you peace. I struggle too often to wholly surrender to God. But when I do, I feel this sense of calmness wash over me. Because I know that He is my savior and protector and He will not harm me. Now. That being said, I still struggle with it. The flesh part of me usually grabs my attention back and I start to freak out. But God's still with me. And that. Is quite amazing.
-MJR

To be or not to be? Stupid Question.

Hey everyone! So... for those of you who read my last post.... The "Let's Blog Everyday!" commitment fell through. Soooo. I'm thinking I'll start out on a once a week basis. I'm going to attempt to blog every Monday night. So, now to get to the point of this blog..

Recently in my life, I've been feeling slightly discouraged. For those of you who know me, you might describe me as bubbly or energetic. Well you haven't been around me recently. Here in these past few months I've been quite negative. I took a trip to North Carolina with my mom, Aunt, and Cousin. I had to miss the first youth group of 2013. I had to miss youth group in general! Bummed does not even begin to describe my feelings about that. So I spent almost the entire night very very very grumpy. I decided to read 1 Timothy 4, which is where our youth group band was studying. I figured just because I wasn't there, didn't mean I should get off without reading it. I opened up the massive book and started reading. Verse 2 says: "Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke and encourage your people with good teaching." This is when it dawned upon me, that I'm not the most encouraging person... That totally discouraged me. So I started praying about it. I asked God to not only help me be more encouraging, but to provide me with encouragement throughout my week. And I totally just realized how much he has.

 1). He's provided me with the opportunity to use the talents He's given me to share the gospel. I mean how awesome is that?! 2). He's given me a best friend to provide daily encouragement, and to help me in my life. We won't even get into how thankful I am for him. 3). He's done random things throughout my day that have made me smile. 4). This is something that I can only describe as a God thing. For Christmas, I received a phone docker with a clock radio built in (it's so awesome!). My iternet radio wasn't working for whatever reason, so I decided to listen to the radio. I flipped on the radio switch and it turned on to where I have it set: K-Love. Whatever song they were playing ended, and the DJ's came on. They started talking about this 30 day challenge they were doing. The challenge is to listen to nothing but christian music for 30 days and see how God speaks in your life. I remember one of the DJ's saying "And see the different ways God encourages you during that time." I perked up. SO. I've decided to take the challenge.

Being encouraging is a difficult thing to do, when there's so many discouraging things going on. Being encouraging is hard in this world. It's being the light in a dark room. It's standing out. The word encourage has the word courage in it. It takes courage to be encouraging. The word encouraging means to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence. We as Christians are called to encourage not only the lost, but our fellow believers. So lets go shine our lights! Lets be encouraging!
-MJR

Attitude Adjustment

Hey guys! Yes. I am alive. I know I've been slacking on my blogger duties. My struggle has been what to blog on.. Though there have been many recent events happening in my life, none just felt right. So my reason for sitting up tonight typing away on my computer? *sigh* I owe an explanation. To say how I'm feeling.

I am a teenage girl. I have insane mood swings sometimes. Yes, I know that's not an excuse to be the way I am often times. But recently, I have been upset over many things; It's Christmas and my family is disassembled, I feel like I'm being treated like a little kid, I feel like no one trusts me, I'm tired of my family nagging on me, and many more things I'd rather not get into. These feelings controlled not only my actions, but my attitude. The other night, I came home from a tough day at my dad's. My family was sitting in the middle of the floor trying to figure out how to assemble our Christmas tree. I, being in a bad mood, went into my room to vent to my best friend about how much my life sucked. Finally I came out of my room and sat at the bar and pouted. I was feeling very self righteous. Upon texting my BFIJFFE, he told me to read my bible. That made me mad. The last thing I wanted to do was think about God. I replied with an "I will later". I got a "Now". "I'm busy." Then I realized how completely stubborn and stupid i was being. "*sigh* That was stupid. Hold on" I opened up my bible app on my phone and went to Philippians 2, where we've been studying. The headline for this chapter read "Have the Attitude of Christ". I was ready to throw my phone across the room and have a temper tantrum. I knew I was wrong, I knew I was being a butt head. But I'm stubborn and prideful. I reluctantly read on. Verse 4 says: "Don't look out only for your won interests, but take an interest in other's too. 5. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had." Jesus has SO much to complain about. Like legit. And here I am. Being stupid.

I've made an important choice to track my progress through the bible on my blog. As I eventually finish Philippians and move on to whatever's next, I'd like to share my thoughts and feelings here. This will also help keep me accountable to blogging. That's all for tonight, just an outpouring of my heart. But I will be back tomorrow with more on Phil. 3. Looking forward to it.
-MJR

There You'll Find Me

So it has been an interesting week. My friends are all obsesing over being freshmen, in public school and some of my other friends have grown up. I recently got to talk to two of my best friends. One has a boyfriend and the other, well she'll be 16 in December. And I realized. It's hard. To go live your life and see your friends living their lives without you. Doing things they promised you would do together. Like for me, my best friend is turning 16- a day we've talked about for years- without me. I had promised to be there to celebrate it wirh her. 7 years ago. But God had a diffrent plan in mind.

So rounding things back to what I wanted to talk about, this week I read a book (There You'll Find Me by Jenny B. Jones. If your looking for some light reading this is NOT the book I suggest. This is a heart grasping, tear raising life evaluating book.) So since I love to read this is nothing to brag about but it is because I've tried to read this book twice in the last 4 months. I could never get into it. I felt like I was reading a story about someone else's life and even though I was, I felt like there was nothing I would relate to. The story is about a girl who has suffered the loss of her brother. Years later and she's still not over it. She decides she wants to follow in his footsteps and do what he did for his senior year- go to Ireland. To see all the sights, smells, sounds, people, beauty he did. When she gets to Ireland things are great. Then suddenly they start to go downhill. I wont explain the whole story because it would pretty much ruin the book, but I will say some things that got my attention. Finley (the main character) goes to Abbyglen to find her brothers Ireland. To see the place that he found God. As you go through the book, you see this girl that everyone can relate to now and again. Someone who had hurt and closed their heart up to God. She cries out to God but never hears an answer. It's because she's not truly listening. You can't expect an answer but not be willing to receive one. Finley learns this and she learns that through hurt and sorrow and yes even death, there is hope.

This is something that has been true in my life. Too often I find myself saying to God "I can't hear you. Do you not love me? Your word speaks of your unfailing love and yet, I can't hear you speaking". As many of you may know, this past summer I went on a mission trip to a small town in New York. While I was there, I did devotionals every night. I couldn't remember the last time I'd done that. I don't think I'd ever done it like that at all. The more impacted I became, the more I was able to impact others.  I can't say that I hear God's voice like I hear my best friends, but I've learned that to be able to hear an answer, I have to let God speak. I have to open my heart up to him and to what he wants. Not what I want.

2 years ago when I moved to Pensacola, I would've looked you straight in the face and said, "I cannot wait to move out, go back home and get out of this dump." While I still would much rather prefer Virginia to Florida, I can't say that's my answer anymore. Not only because I have changed, met people who have changed me but also, it's not my choice anymore. And I realized, it never was. Yes I am a minor therefor I have to honor and respect the word of my parents, but it is ultimately God's decision. He chose to move me here. And I can say, I'm almost glad he did. Through everything I've been through, I can say; God's voice has never been louder. "But this happened so that we might not rely on ourselves; but on God" 2 Corinthians 1:9. In There You'll Find Me Finley has a battle cry verse. Well 2 Corinthians 1:9 is mine. What's yours?
-MJR

The Break-In part 2

So come to find out my mom wasn't home. I called her thinking she was in her room getting ready to go to work. And rather then cross the living room where the guys would've seen me i called her wondering 'how does she not hear that noise???'. Upon asking her that same question several times, i discovered that she was already at home. I told her what was going on right as my brother walked out of his room. I said what is the stupidest line ever. "Oh you hear that too?" I got a 'duh' look in return. When i looked back at the back door they were gone. I told my mom what had happend and she said she was on her way back home. Josh and I quickly let the dogs outside and within 5 minutes there was a knock at the door. The cops had showed up. When i walked outside the officer was asking my brother questions. "What did they look like?" "Where'd they go." "Did you see them". When he explained that "I don't know my sister was the only one who saw them" The officer turned to me. I tried to explain in detail but she didn't want deitals. She wanted to get a quick description and go. At this point i was on the phone with my mom. The officer told me that she needed to know quickly because the other cops were chasing them down. I hung up on my mom and told the officer what i saw. She thanked me and said they'd be back later.
About 10 minutes later my mom came home. And she wasn't even home for a minute before there was another knock at the door. Private Invesigators. I felt like i was a star in the newest episode of CSI. We all walked out on the pourch and talked about what happened and then the officers asked me if they thought i could identify them. I said i could. So i got in the back of their car (Where a very impressive looking gun was sitting in front of me) and we drove to where they were holding them. The two officers got out of the car and talked to the other officers. One stood by me with my window rolled down and asked me if i reconized the first guy. "No." I said.
"Okay. Do you reconize her?"
"No."
"What about him"
"Yes! Thats the one that was on my back pourch"
"Good good. What about this last one"
"I can't regonize the face but it could've been him"
"Okay. Well they're all going to jail but we appreciate you input." They got back in the car and we went back to my house.

When we got there the officers came inside and asked me to write a statement telling what i saw. I also got interviewed over a tape recorder. Then the investigators left.

*Knock Knock* "I'm getting really tired of that" I said. Josh walked over and oppened the door and you'll never guess who we saw. More cops. They told us they were going to walk around to the back and check out the damage. They took pictures of our chicken wire fence that had been completely torn out of the ground. The shoeprint on the door. And the fact that the inside of the door was cracked all the way down. Then they left. And it was over as soon as soon it started. Or so i thought.

The Break-In part 1

So today has been an interesting day. So I didn't go to bed until late last night and I figured I was going to sleep much longer than my alarm (set for 9:22) intended. This morning around 8:30 I was awakened by the sound of banging. I woke up with a start. If you know me, you know I sleep with music on, so my first reaction was 'holy snapdragons (as is my strange new catch phrase) what is wrong with my tablet'. I then realized that the noise was WAY too loud to be any mouth function with pookey (my tablet). I'm pretty sure the whole house was actually shaking... So I drag my sorry butt out of bed (remeber it's like 8:30 which is very early in the morning for me) and go over to my door. I open it and peek out. (See my door is directly across from the back door and we have very big windows and a french door thing. So when I peek out of my door I am looking straight onto the back pourch) What I saw was about the last thing I excpected to see. I saw two guys (they were under 18. I'd say they were about 16, 17) on the back pourch. But they weren't just standing there. No that'd be too easy. They were litarly trying to kick the door down. Well one of them was, the other was standing behind him looking stupid. This is the guy I saw. I'd like to say I did something heroic here like threaten the guys with my impressive sword, or grabed the bow and arrows i hope to one day own and intentionally missed and grazed one of their ears in an attempt to scare them off but I did nothing of the such. I didn't even call 911... I did what any small child with a cell phone would do... I called my mommy.