There You'll Find Me

So it has been an interesting week. My friends are all obsesing over being freshmen, in public school and some of my other friends have grown up. I recently got to talk to two of my best friends. One has a boyfriend and the other, well she'll be 16 in December. And I realized. It's hard. To go live your life and see your friends living their lives without you. Doing things they promised you would do together. Like for me, my best friend is turning 16- a day we've talked about for years- without me. I had promised to be there to celebrate it wirh her. 7 years ago. But God had a diffrent plan in mind.

So rounding things back to what I wanted to talk about, this week I read a book (There You'll Find Me by Jenny B. Jones. If your looking for some light reading this is NOT the book I suggest. This is a heart grasping, tear raising life evaluating book.) So since I love to read this is nothing to brag about but it is because I've tried to read this book twice in the last 4 months. I could never get into it. I felt like I was reading a story about someone else's life and even though I was, I felt like there was nothing I would relate to. The story is about a girl who has suffered the loss of her brother. Years later and she's still not over it. She decides she wants to follow in his footsteps and do what he did for his senior year- go to Ireland. To see all the sights, smells, sounds, people, beauty he did. When she gets to Ireland things are great. Then suddenly they start to go downhill. I wont explain the whole story because it would pretty much ruin the book, but I will say some things that got my attention. Finley (the main character) goes to Abbyglen to find her brothers Ireland. To see the place that he found God. As you go through the book, you see this girl that everyone can relate to now and again. Someone who had hurt and closed their heart up to God. She cries out to God but never hears an answer. It's because she's not truly listening. You can't expect an answer but not be willing to receive one. Finley learns this and she learns that through hurt and sorrow and yes even death, there is hope.

This is something that has been true in my life. Too often I find myself saying to God "I can't hear you. Do you not love me? Your word speaks of your unfailing love and yet, I can't hear you speaking". As many of you may know, this past summer I went on a mission trip to a small town in New York. While I was there, I did devotionals every night. I couldn't remember the last time I'd done that. I don't think I'd ever done it like that at all. The more impacted I became, the more I was able to impact others.  I can't say that I hear God's voice like I hear my best friends, but I've learned that to be able to hear an answer, I have to let God speak. I have to open my heart up to him and to what he wants. Not what I want.

2 years ago when I moved to Pensacola, I would've looked you straight in the face and said, "I cannot wait to move out, go back home and get out of this dump." While I still would much rather prefer Virginia to Florida, I can't say that's my answer anymore. Not only because I have changed, met people who have changed me but also, it's not my choice anymore. And I realized, it never was. Yes I am a minor therefor I have to honor and respect the word of my parents, but it is ultimately God's decision. He chose to move me here. And I can say, I'm almost glad he did. Through everything I've been through, I can say; God's voice has never been louder. "But this happened so that we might not rely on ourselves; but on God" 2 Corinthians 1:9. In There You'll Find Me Finley has a battle cry verse. Well 2 Corinthians 1:9 is mine. What's yours?
-MJR